Sweet Dreams are made of this

West Ham United

“Well you join us in London on a lovely sunny evening at The Bitcoin Bank Waterside Arena, home to West Ham United FC on the bank of the river Thames. I’m with Tron Lamy who’ll be chewing over the final of finals. The World Champions Cup 2082, it boils down to two years of qualification, twelve rounds and the second leg coming up at this glorious location”.

“Evening Marty”.

“It’s happening folks, the day has finally arrived. Two footballing giants are about to go head to head to decide who’s the greatest team on earth!!”.

“Well this really is the final I guess we’ve all been waiting and hoping for. Delicately poised at 2-2 from the first leg in California two weeks ago”.

“What a match that was? Four sensational goals, a 44 second Robo review which seemed to take ages and who can forget California’s 204 scoring in the 12th minute of overtime”.

“As you know you can’t argue with the technology”.

“True, what’s interesting is that although California had 62% of the ball West Ham had more charges on goal which resulted in 14 attempts. The Americans dominated team turnover 78% fair tackles the remaining getting a stern talking to from the Robo Ref. Nice to see that it was programmed to take into account the occasion and weather conditions”.

“I’m sensing some irony there Tron, you’re not referring to THAT tackle from 8 years back in Shanghai…………..”.

“This really is a fantastic stadium, 102,000 seats and 10,000 standing. A real family club and good to know that tickets for kids are still only £150.00”.

“When I got off the water taxi this morning I was speaking to some of the home fans and you can see that this is the one they’re hoping for, Domestic and European League winners for the last six seasons and multiple cups are in the background for these guys today”.

“I was looking at their history section on the website and it’s a remarkable story. The old Stadium swallowed by a huge sinkhole sixty odd years ago, thankfully Leyton Orient were sharing the ground on the day so there weren’t any reported casualties”.

“That’s right it’s a great location. Myself and some of the production crew sampled some pie and mash at Nathan’s last night in the food court”.

“I’m a ribman myself!!”.

“Hey, look at the vision former player, Technical Director and Honary President Mark Noble came up with. This is a traditional club with working class values. You’ve only got to look at the two big clubs in Liverpool at how successful they’ve become since merging”.

“Correct, in the not too distant future Tranmere and Everton will be snapping at West Ham’s heels”.

“Our Stats guy has just whispered in my ear Mersey FC for those of you with a short memories”.

“So the route to the final has taken both teams to Australia, France, Beijing, Russia and West Ham playing Barcelona and a local rivals Gunners FC. California swatting away Porto and Dallas, prior to the provisional rounds which saw wins for our hosts in Mexico, Argentina and the classic against the Middle East’s finest Dubai Crusader’s”.

“California Eagles had tricky ties in Ukraine, Belgium and the controversial match against Berlin”.

“Hey, don’t mention the Germans!!”.

“California will be playing in all yellow and West Ham in Claret and Blue. For the traditionalists the diamond design worn by The Hammers is a nod to the 1980’s kit they wore around the time they won The FA Cup a hundred years ago”.

“I think it’s a nice touch that there’s only five sponsors names on the shirts”.

“Call me old fashioned but I preferred socks shorts and jerseys covered”.

“So the match is still an hour away and we’re about to see a wonderful drone display. On the subject of drones the drone referee will only be required if requested by each manager and they’ve only two opportunities. There’ll be the usual 30 minutes extra time and halfway line run and shoot if the scores are still level”.

“Something California’s number 117 will be relishing seeing as he has a 100% success rate”.

“The ground looks pretty full already. The only visible seats free are in the hospitality zone and those serving staff look rushed off their feet already”.

“Did you know fridges and a food warmer are incorporated in those seats?”.

“I do now”.

“A standard season long ticket in those seats is just under £45000 per year”.

“That’s a great price and something the supporters trust owners vowed to do, reasonably priced seating”.

“The club shop informed me earlier that they’ve sold out of all shirts of local hero and top scorer 1010, no points for guessing who that is? That’s right no Domestic, European or World League shirts available. That’s all 24 kits out of stock”.

“Wow, that’s phenomenal”.

“We do however have all 24 available for you to win in our competition. Just text WIN to the number displayed at the bottom of the screen now. Texts cost £67.00 per message not including standard access charges. Terms and conditions available online”.

“Thanks Marty”.

“There’s been a steady stream of helicopters arriving over last few hours and all surrounding hotels have been fully booked for months, and they say the Thames Estuary airport has never seen air traffic like it”.

“Members of The Royal Family are expected and we’ll let you know when we see them coming up the travelator”.

“So going back to West Ham’s history it’s a great story. After a stormy period in and around the early part of this century you could call the disappearance of The London Stadium a blessing in disguise.

A supporters trust was formed and with a little help of overseas backing the club was built on the original site of its for fathers”.

“That’s right we’re sitting on the exact spot of The Thames Iron Works”.

“Hence the nickname The Hammers or Irons”.

“Got it”.

“Where some teams have failed to adapt and merged not once but twice West Ham have proved to have a strong business acumen and looking at the trophy cabinet it’s hard to disagree. Who remembers Tottenham and MK Chelsea?”.

“Exactly”.

“This Bubbles Song always gets me”.

“The tech guys seem happy with the Robo Line Guards and the third eye is attached to the spider cam above”.

“The teams are in and we’ll be going through the 45 man squad to see who’s starting and who’ll be on the benches”.

“Whatever happens in the next few hours we’ve got it covered. With over 48 pitch side cameras, drone and spider cams we’re on your side. It’s not too late to upgrade to chest cams, that’s right see all the action as your hero dazzles, shoots, weaves or saves the day!!”.

“Be it Goal Keeper, defensive, offensive outfield players or goal takers”.

“Hit the buy button on your remote followed by your players squad number”.

“So that’s Buy followed by 785 if you want to be in West Ham’s Brazilian Boy wonders boots”.

“Time for a short break, join us in a few minutes as we countdown to kickoff”.

Buzz Buzz Buzz……………

“Good morning here’s the 7:00 news, talks are still ongoing in Brussels regarding Brexit…….

About the Author

Nick Caccavone
Life long Hammer & Season ticket holder Trying to give an honest impartial view of the club I love